沒有機會進行每年的重大的Christmas Shopping,沒有時間買禮物給家人、朋友、自己 (是的,sorry,連自己都沒有照顧好,今年不要期待收到我的什麽禮物)。經過商店門外,看着 End of Season Final Sale 的耀目牌子,也沒有時間走進去。這比當年大禹三過家門而不入更加不可思議!
"If you don’t start a Marathon you’ll never know if you can finish. But a race has a finish line and forever doesn’t, and how will you ever know if you’ll get there? You can’t know, not for certain. All you can do is to run the race. All you can do is the run the race and love every minute of it and do everything you can to push that finish line so far away you can’t ever see it, never get there, and you have to work, keep fit, listening to your body and your heart so that you can go on running, walking, whatever it takes."
今天在上海參加一位同學的婚禮。神父說:“有人問:你如何才知道自己已經找到 the one and only 呢?如何知道他/她就是對的那個人? 然而,是否找到那個 the one and only 其實並不重要。 太多人在熱戀中覺得自己已經找到 the one and only,後來卻忘記了,反悔了。曾經相信,卻不再相信。 其實,the one and only不但是要在茫茫人海中相認,還要在生活中以行動實踐,the one and only is not to be found, but you make it happen, you make your partner the one and only through your actions, through your trust and love!”
之前看<What happens in Vegas>,其實也有很多共同之處。女主角是Wall Street Banker,性格高傲、自以爲是,簡稱“八婆”,故事發展下去,原來“八婆“也只是一個想在俗世中尋找平靜快樂的女子。男主角像個不能照顧自己的大孩子,是個典型“賤男”,怎料,原來“賤男”又是公司太子,只是還沒有遇上真愛,不懂發奮圖強。故事一開始,兩人因爲酒後結婚兼中了彩票,又被法庭勒令尊重婚姻,接受婚姻輔導半年才能分彩金,迫不得已同居裝結婚。爲了升職,她要他裝成佳偶出席公司活動,他本來打算威脅她放棄彩金。怎料相處下來又是動了真情。發展到最後,勢力banker放棄升職機會,辭職遠走。一開始爲了彩金和假老公鬥得你死我活,最後她一分錢都不要了。而他,因爲曾經有她的支持,發奮圖強,努力工作,再找回她重新愛一次。
Don't feed a bear. 不可以隨便退讓。如果你的對手是一只熊,你餵了他一次,他只會回來再拿,而不會感激。你退讓一次,是訓練對手再來佔你便宜。你退一步,損失了,對手只會覺得既然你能退,肯定當初不懷好心,早就預備佔他便宜,或者討價還價。他得到自己要的,還不會對你感謝、信任,只會高興自己聰明,拆穿了你的詭計。所以,要交換條件,就得清楚講明白你爲何可以退一步,枱面的deal有什麽不一樣。盲目退讓沒有好結果。
One at a time. 以前我們發言的時候,常常習慣說什麽三大個重點。但是,在談判裏面,一次過切忌提出幾個重點。我在練習裏犯的錯誤是,我提出了幾個根本性的大問題,但是因爲別人沒有辦法一次過思考幾個題目,回應幾個問題,結果大家就亂了,一個問題都沒有回應。原來,在談判,一次過只能問一個問題,提出一個論點,一多,就被淹沒了。
Silence is golden. 沉默是一個非常有力的戰略,我們都害怕沉默,一遇到冷場就設法填補,然後愈講愈錯。如果你問了一個問題,別人不回答,你如果沉不住氣,你開口,結果最可能是:你講了其他不相關的話,削弱了原來的論據,轉移了別人的注意,自然不會回應。或者,你自己害怕沉默已經代表拒絕,就自己打圓場,改變方向,讓自己處於弱勢。很多時候,沉不住氣的那個人,也會是自己削弱自己籌碼的人。忍!忍!忍!敵不動,我不動!
Repeat your point. 若果你提出了一些看法,要求,然後被忽略了,不要以爲大已經代表拒絕。談判時候,大家太多資訊需要處理,思考的速度太快。很多時候,是會聽不到,忘了思考,漏掉一些訊息的。我們不用立刻改變立場,退讓屈就,有時候,我們需要做得,其實只是重復、重復、重復,直到我們確定對方已經準確接收到我們的意思。也不要容忍別人忽略你的需求,提出過的事,一定要尋求解決。我們不一定得到我們想要的答案,但是忽略不是一種答案。
Mirror their style. 雖然我們不能太扭曲自己的性格,但是風格是可以適應的。面對不同類型的對手,我們的風格也要有所調整。講話要用對方聽得懂的語言字眼,態度姿態也要順應對方。有些人實事求是,不講廢話。有些人一定要先做friend,BS一頓建立默契才能開始溝通。有些人内心害怕,筑起圍牆,滴水不漏。面對不同的人,我們不能只注意我們的目標,論據,不管我們多有道理,風格不對,對方就是沒法溝通。我今天作了一個練習,要跟旅行社agent阿頭談判,coach扮演agent,一幅 sales佬的油腔滑調,不停耍我,不肯開始討論。結果,我不跟她東拉西扯一堆,叫她介紹酒店,答應跟她打golf,還真的開始不了。浪費時間嗎?如果不浪費這些時間,恐怕永遠沒法開始交流。我被迫一邊談判一邊説笑,講一句重話,就要呵呵呵半真半假的,毫不是我的性格。但是,這才能讓對方覺得你是自己人,可以相信,願意開心見誠的溝通。
Memory Midnight, not a sound from the pavement Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone In the lamp light the whitherd leeves collect at my feet and the wind, begins to moan
Memory, all alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days I was beautiful then I remember, the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again
Every street lamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning Someone mutters and a street lamp gutters and soon it will be morning
Daylight, I must wait for the sun rise I must think of a new life, and I mustn't give in When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too And a new day will begin
Burnt out ends of smoky days the stale cold smell of morning The street lamp dies another night is over another day is dawning
Touch me, its so easy to leave me All alone with the memory of my days in the sun If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is Look, a new day has begun
說起一個女人回首過去的滄桑,忽然想起另一首歌。Charlene的 《I've never been to me》。
I've Never Been To Me
Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do But, I wish someone had talked to me Like I wanna talk to you.....
Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free I've been to paradise but I've never been to me
Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away 'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today I can see so much of me still living in your eyes Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....
Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me
[spoken] Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be But you know what truth is? It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning The same one you're going to make love with tonight That's truth, that's love......
Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free Hey lady...... I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise) But I've never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run) I've been to paradise, never been to me (I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht) I've been to paradise, never been to me (I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete) I've been to paradise, never been to me (I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run) I've been to paradise, never been to me
二十分鐘後,我們全機人順利通過檢查。白衣人離去,我們得以平安下飛機。以後要學會,就算飛機降落,下飛機的幸福也不可以take it for granted的!我過了關,跟接我機的師傅碰面後,他告訴我,早上他接另一個客戶,機上有一個人發燒了,全機人關了老半天不許下機,他等了半天人都接不到!偉大的祖國,可真是有殺錯沒放過!我不評論政策,不過從一個乘客的角度想象一下:整程飛機帶着口罩已經快窒息了,達到目的地,發現小小的機艙裏,原來真的有病人,而你被迫和病人關在一起半天,可真不是説笑!一想之下,真的覺得自己多麽幸福!
這次,看了《德芬郡奶油》,不禁對一直走在時代尖端的亦大姐佩服得五體投地。這次的女主角,是四十出頭的女教授,你以爲是個老學究嗎?偏偏她是個顛倒衆生的不羈艷女,情人從猶太富商到丹麥大使,要財有財,要權有權,還一個個是 man candy! 你以爲中年女人一定要和中年男人戀愛嗎?才不!對她傾倒的還有她同學正唸大學的兒子!要結婚,隨時有一對軍隊求她下嫁,不結婚,是因爲熱愛自由。後來因爲老同學找上門算帳,說她勾引孩子,才一時迷惘之下,嫁給了一個對她迷戀至深的漂亮丹麥人。婚後受不了家庭責任的束縛,繼續跟小情人纏綿,最後誰都不要,逃之夭夭,逃婚逃到尼羅河上,還遇上年輕有爲的博士生對她苦苦追求。