回望半生的Memory

感冒未瘉，帶着口罩去看Cats。 四大名劇之中，一直沒有看《貓》，一只聽説，《貓》沒有故事，只有群貓亂舞，並不是太好看。但是朋友發起，去看看也無不可。沒想到帶着最低的期望去看，竟然被一曲悽惻的Memory讓我覺得整個下午都有點惆悵落寞。

Grizabella是Jellicle貓族中的一個Outcast。年輕時她美艷方物，是艷名遠播的Glamour Cat。年輕的她，離開了同族要到外面的世界見識、體驗生活。但現實沒有善待她，她再次在族群中出現，已經年紀老邁，風塵僕僕。她的衣角沾染了風沙塵土，她的眼角如一根扭曲的別針。她鋒芒不再，而同族也涶棄她。月色下，她帶着疲乏的身軀和破碎的心哭泣地唱着歌，哀悼着她的過去。





Memory
Midnight, not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamp light the whitherd leeves collect at my feet
and the wind, begins to moan

Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember, the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every street lamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and a street lamp gutters
and soon it will be morning

Daylight, I must wait for the sun rise
I must think of a new life, and I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
the stale cold smell of morning
The street lamp dies
another night is over
another day is dawning

Touch me, its so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
of my days in the sun
If you touch me
you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun


中學的時候就學過這首歌。音樂課唱過，鋼琴也練過。旋律動人一直都知道，但是，第一次聽出那種惻然的味道。暗淡的場景，悲涼的歌聲，勾起了一種内心寂寞的唏噓。也許我還沒有到 Grizabella 的年紀，但是，無可否認，我也已經過了生命中可以最任意妄爲的年輕歲月；我也已經累積了一段段欲語還休的過去；我也嘗過那種讓人窒息，可以殺人的寂寞。

還好今天的演員聲音不夠完美，我還得分神皺眉，要不然，我的眼淚都已經掉下來了。


說起一個女人回首過去的滄桑，忽然想起另一首歌。Charlene的 《I've never been to me》。





I've Never Been To Me

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me


不知道爲什麽，每次聽這首歌也想哭。總是覺得，它在預言我的未來。我走的路，距離一個女人的簡單幸福仿佛愈來愈遠，已經不能回頭了。我只好繼續Bohemian bourgeoise，繼續硬撐下去，繼續享受我永遠的自由生活。老了，我會自己翻看我的世界旅遊回憶錄，除此以外，我還有什麽？

下一站，埃及。